3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Still dying that you shit outside
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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