I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
