what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize