Whod you bang
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
