He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize