Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
