the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
