I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
