oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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