"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
