We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize