My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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