I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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