I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
