no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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