first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
