You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
