I'm really into asian looking animals
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
