I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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