its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Randomize
