I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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