just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
