I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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