shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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