You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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