i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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