i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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