she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
This is the prime rib incident all over again
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
