Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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