yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
