so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize