I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
