John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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