Moan for me like Helen Keller
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize