Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
