It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
