Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
whose parrot is this?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
