My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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