She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
