Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
