i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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