so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
