if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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