There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
