I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
