Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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