Just fell off a train. Bad.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
