we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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