I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
