I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
