"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
