fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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