1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
