I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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