I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
