I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
