so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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