You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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