i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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