i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
