I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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