I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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