if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
