If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
