Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We are two peas in an std pod
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
