I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
