dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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