Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
