we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
