Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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