Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
