why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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