Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
