I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I need to sanitize my soul.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
