I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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