You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
