just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
