we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
