so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
