Michael Bay diarrhea
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
