i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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