Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
