Where is the hickey?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
