my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
MIDGETS
????
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
