If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
