Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
