: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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