i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
