dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
