So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
