I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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