Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
