Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
