just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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