I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
