1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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