I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Jerry, you need to find god
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize