I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
