Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
