i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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