Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
